Enemy's Mask Part 2
by DTroi57
Summary: summary in Part 1


Chapter 7

Beverly and Picard stood looking down at Deanna, who lay curled on her side on the biobed before them. Beverly was busy taking bioreadings and preparing to treat Deanna's various injuries. Jaksa stood at her side holding her uninjured hand. Now and then he murmured words of comfort, seemingly oblivious that anyone else was in the room. He focused solely on his charge, trying to reassure her. Troi seemed terrified, child-like in her dependence on the gentle giant who had accompanied her. Deanna's eyes darted from side to side, fear clearly evident in her wide, black gaze. She didn't seem to know either of them. The doors to sickbay opened and Lwaxana Troi breezed in...

"Where is Deanna.....?" her voice trailed off as she caught sight of her daughter lying helplessly on the biobed.

"Good God, no....."she burst out and began to cry...."What did they do to you, Little One!"

Picard went to her and she turned into his arms and cried. Deanna looked to Jaksa, her eyes beseeching, her body trembling.

The door to sickbay opened, and Will Riker strode in slightly out of breath. Picard was holding Mrs. Troi's sobbing form in his arms. Before Beverly could react and prepare him, he caught sight of Deanna on the biobed.

"Oh my God", he gasped. He stopped short and just stared at the small form lying before him. "Deanna." Troi seemed unaware of him. Her eyes were fixed on the Andorian who stood beside the bed, holding her hand.

"Dr. Crusher, please! Look at her, she's terrified." Jaksa drew Beverly's attention to Troi, who had pulled herself up and was pressing herself into Jaksa's body. She clutched the covers to her chest with her one good hand.

"Of course, you're right." She turned to Captain Picard and Will Riker. "I know that you're all very upset, but you need to leave now. Deanna is in no condition to deal with all of you right now. Please go into my office."

Picard still held Lwaxana troi, who had stopped sobbing, but still wept softly.

"Understood, doctor, we'll await you in your office." Picard escorted Lwaxana to Beverly's office. Riker hadn't moved or said a word.

Alyssa Ogawa, Beverly's head nurse, was preparing the necessary medications at a console beside the biobed.

"Doctor, the meds are all ready for you." Alyssa looked down at Troi and suppressed a shudder, she's been so abused, Doctor, it's hard to believe that it's really her." Ogawa had been Crusher's nurse for years and had seen her share of serious injuries. This was different, this was Troi. Troi was the gentlest, most nonviolent person that Alyssa knew! To see her so mistreated was traumatic for all of them.

"I know, Alyssa, but we'll have her good as new before you know it." Beverly looked up and saw Will Riker's shocked countenance. He stood back several feet from the bed. Jaksa turned and studied him carefully. This man is in love with her, he thought to himself. He looked down, Deanna had fallen asleep. He gently removed his hand from hers, and nodding at Beverly and Riker, left the bedside to sit in the corner of the room.

"Will, let me give her these medications, then you can have a few minutes with her." Beverly stepped up to the bed and gave Deanna several different hyposrays.

"There, I will need to begin treating her wounds soon." "Don't stay too long, okay?" "I'll be in my office." She left without another word, feeling tears prick her eyes. The raw emotion on Riker's face was a painful sight.

Will walked up to the biobed, tears formed in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks. He could not have imagined anything such as this. Deanna looked as though she had survived a battle. The laceration on her right cheek caused him to catch his breath. Her beautiful face was marred by yellow, black bruises and her eye was still slightly swollen, her hands were bandaged. He could see more bandages on her back, under the thin white garment that covered her.

What shocked him further was that Deanna was so thin and fragile looking, she was barely breathing and was unnaturally flushed with fever.

"Imzadi," he breathed. "Oh my Imzadi". He put his head down on the bed beside her and wept openly.

When he raised his head, he reached out and brushed the hair away from her face, leaned down and kissed her forehead.

All the while murmuring words of comfort and love, hoping that they would pierce her delirium and soothe her. Behind him. A tall blue Andorian stood at the door observing the scene before him. He hesitated, not wanting to interrupt. Here was Troi's salvation. While she obviously had many friends and a mother who loved her, this man would be most important to her recovery. His love for her might just be strong enough to bring her all the way back. He breathed a sigh of relief and left again.

As he sat beside her, the great, black eyes, slowly opened and looked directly at him. Those beloved eyes were wide and glazed with pain. Deanna whimpered softly as her eyes filled with tears, that spilled over and fell to the sheet.

"Imzadi," Will whispered, "you're home, baby." "Beverly will take the pain away soon." "Do you understand??" There was no response except that Troi closed her eyes and lay still once more. Will stood there looking down at Deanna, the reluctantly went to Beverly's office.

"Beverly, please......., his voice broke, "help her." He couldn't speak another word.

"I will, don't worry Will." She hugged him gently and went in to begin treating Deanna's injuries. Will went over and sat beside Lwaxana, she looked over at him and they joined hands.

Five hours later........

Beverly emerged form the surgical unit, exhausted, and disheveled. She didn't take the time to change , but went immediately to her office and contacted the Captain.

"Jean Luc, I've just finished Deanna's surgery. She's still fighting a fever from the bacterial infection, but physically, I've done all that I can do." "What she needs now is rest, and good nutrition, to help her recover fully."

"Excellent, doctor," Picard responded. He gently squeezed Lwaxana's hand and stood up. "When will we be able to speak with her?"

"Yes, when?" Lwaxana asked. She wanted to go in that room right now and comfort her child.

"Beverly may I see her now, please?" she asked quietly, the intensity in her voice was plain to all.

"Of course Mrs. Troi," Beverly replied gently. "She's unconscious, and will be for several hours, try not to stay too long, you both need to get some rest."

"Thank you, Doctor." Lwaxana answered as she left the office. She walked up to the biobed and stood looking down at her daughters, beautiful face. A dermal regeneration patch was blinking on her injured right cheek, but Crusher had done a beautiful job in returning her to a normal appearance. Lwaxana puled a chair up closer to the bed and sat down, she sighed and began to cry softly. Her child was back, safe....but sound??? No one could be sure. She was content to sit here beside Deanna and wait. Beverly came in an hour later and found her dozing in her chair. She gently woke her and convinced her to get some sleep, promising to contact her as soon as Deanna awoke. Lwaxana reluctantly left. She was given a private room just down the hall from Deanna, so that she could be close by. After washing and undressing, she climbed into the bed and fell immediately into a deep sleep. It was the first since Deanna's disappearance nearly 2 1/2 months before.

Chapter 8

Sickbay....

The first conscious feeling Deanna Troi had was, warmth... She was warm, for the first time in....a very long time. She slowly opened her eyes....Where was she? What was this place?...and most importantly, Who was this bearded stranger sleeping in the chair beside her bed? She searched her limited memory for clues, but found none.....

"It's a trick, they're are trying to trick me again..."she thought, as gooseflesh began to erupt over her entire body....."No!" she thought, "No! I won't let them hurt me again...I am not afraid!" And then Will Riker opened his eyes and smiled at her.

The reaction was immediate! Deanna sucked in a lungful of air, and screamed at the top of her lungs.

Will was completely dumbfounded.

"Imzadi, Deanna, it's me Will!"

Troi tried to sit up, looking very much the frightened child. Her face had completely lost what little color it had. Her eyes were huge and frightened as she looked from side to side for an avenue of escape. She began to whimper softly.

"Deanna, it's alright, you're safe!" Will was desperate to comfort her.

Deanna started violently at the sound of Will's voice, and was further frightened as alarms began to shrill from the biobed. She was nearing hysteria as she threw herself from the bed, on the side opposite Will. As she tumbled to the floor, Beverly, Lwaxana, and Jaksa came running around the door frame.

"Will, what happened?" Beverly called out over the noise of the alarms and Deanna's cries.

"I don't....he paused as Beverly deactivated the alarms. "I don't know, I awoke and Deanna was staring at me with the most peculiar look on her face....,"

"It was as if she didn't even know me! When I said hello, she went crazy!" "Beverly what's wrong with her?" Will was frantic with concern.

"Crusher to Paxa, report to sickbay immediately, Medical emergency!" Beverly tried to calm Deanna but couldn't get close to her. Jaksa went immediately to her side, but she bolted from him as well.

"She's terrified, she doesn't know where she is, or who you are!" "Try to think of her as a child! She is NOT herself." Jaksa tried to make them understand what seemed so obvious to him. He attempted to go to Troi again, but was gently brushed aside by Lwaxana Troi.

"No , she needs her mother, now." She said fiercely.

Throughout this brief conversation, Deanna had moved to a corner of the room and curled into a small huddled shape, whimpering her fear. Lwaxana immediately went to her side, and dropped to her knees beside her daughter. Was this pathetic, terrified creature really her daughter? The daughter who, just a few short months ago, was arguing vehemently about the merits if career over family??

"Oh, my little one. What have they done to you?" Lwaxana whispered. She ached to reach out and hold her baby in her arms, but hesitated and looked to Dr.Paxa, who had entered the room shortly before.

"Daison, what is in her mind?" she asked him, "How do I reach her?" "I can't read her mind at all!!" Lwaxana was beginning to understand the seriousness of Deanna's psychological condition. Paxa, reassured her gently,

"Lwaxana, the important thing right now is for Deanna to feel safe, and loved. You are correct, she needs her mother to comfort her and chase her fears away, just as you did when she was a child. We will have plenty of time to assess her condition." Deanna had moved away again, sobbing openly now, panting loudly with fear. Where was she, who were these people!! The fear was threatening to overwhelm her.

"Deanna," Jaksa called softly, "It's all right, you're safe." Troi was nearly blind with panic and seemed not to hear him. He ached to comfort her, but he watched and waited in silence.

Lwaxana was kneeling a few feet away from her daughter, her confidence had vanished, she was unsure how to proceed.

"What do I do Daison, she's terrified of me!" She said softly.

"We are all going to leave the two of you alone, Lwaxana, and do not fear, you will know what to do." Paxa counseled. "Come," he said to the others, "Let us go into the other room."

The two officers and Jaksa followed Dr. Paxa from the room, leaving Lwaxana and her daughter alone.

"My baby, my poor baby." Lwaxana reached out to touch Deanna. Deanna flinched and whimpered, pulling away and pulling herself more tightly into a small ball on the floor.

"Little one, Mother is here, to help you." "Don't be frightened baby, you are aboard the Enterprise, you're home now and safe." She continued to murmur words of comfort and love gradually moving closer to Deanna. Finally, heedless of her fear, Lwaxana gently pulled her daughter's too thin, fevered body into her arms. She offered her the only medicine a mother can give....a mother's loving embrace. She was shocked at how fragile her daughter's body felt in her arms. She held her gently but firmly. At first, Deanna tried to pull away, but her mother persisted. Lwaxana decided to try telepathy:

~~~ Little One, little one, can you hear me?

No response.

~~~ Deanna listen to mother, you don't need to respond right now, just know that I love you, and that your safe. Let yourself feel my presence...deep in your mind you KNOW me, you KNOW I would never hurt you! FEEL it Deanna, go there and FEEL it."

No response...Lwaxana waited, holding her breath. All at once, Deanna suddenly stopped resisting and climbed into her mother's lap. She huddled there- her face crushed to Lwaxana's bosom, clutching her robes with both hands. Harsh, heart wrenching sobs filled the room as Deanna gave vent to her pain, anguish and fear. Lwaxana held her daughter's frail, fevered body close & rocked her.

She rocked Deanna as she had so many years ago, when she was an infant. As they rocked, Lwaxana stroked Deanna's hair and murmured softly in her ear. Mother and daughter drew comfort from each other. The warm, loving physical contact of her mother's arms gradually brought peace to Deanna.

Slowly, Deanna's sobs diminished, and stopped. Her breathing came in gasps and hiccups, evidence of the violence of her sobs. At last, she slept, cradled in her mother's arms. Lwaxana Troi sat holding her beloved daughter, Her own face was awash with tears. Tears of joy that Deanna had been found and brought back to her, and tears of grief as she began to suspect the truth concerning Deanna's mental state.

Lwaxana looked down into her daughter's face. Her closed eyes were red and swollen, her complexion blotchy from crying but she slept on, trembling slightly.

"I wonder.....," Lwaxana thought to herself, as she began to probe Deanna's mind.

~~~darkness.....utter darkness, except for a small circle of light. Silence, but for vague whispering coming from the darkness.

There in the center of the circle of light, was a child of about 5 years old. She sat with her knees raised, her arms wrapped around her knees, her dark head bowed, her forehead on her knees. The child's long dark curls fell over her shoulders nearly reaching the floor.

In Sickbay.........

~~~Lwaxana shuddered slightly, gooseflesh erupting on her arms. She approached the child, whom she had recognized as Deanna. Deanna had regressed to the age of 5! There was no evidence of an adult Deanna anywhere. As she looked around, Lwaxana saw that Deanna had erected solid white barriers around her mind...barriers that even her mother couldn't penetrate. These shields were those that a Betazoid used when they were under extreme psychic stress.

The kind of psychic danger that was caused by subliminal torture. The kind that was well known throughout the galaxy, as typically Romulan.

Lwaxana approached Deanna, and sat beside her. She could hear her crying softly.

"Little One?" she said softly. The child, who was Deanna, startled, and looked up at her mother. Her little face streaked with tears.

"Mama?...Mama!...the little girl launched herself into her mother's arms.

"You came for me...," "You came for me!!"

Lwaxana sat in the same position, but Deanna was cuddled even closer to her mother. Lwaxana looked down at her, Deanna was still asleep, but her face was serene, a small smile curved her lips.

Dr. Paxa, Captain Picard, Dr. Crusher, and Commander Riker slowly entered the room. Jaksa held back slightly, in awe of the scene before him.

"You were able to reach her then," Paxa remarked, smiling slightly.

"Yes, in a way," Lwaxana answered.

The Enterprise officers looked at each other in confusion...what did she mean "in a way"? As for Jaksa, he knew exactly what she had discovered. He himself had suspected for quite some time. Lwaxana looked at the four adults and said,

"I will tell you all what I have discovered, but first, Will would you put Deanna back to bed?"

"We'll meet you in Dr. Crusher's office, in a few minutes."

"Of course, Mrs. Troi," Riker responded.

Will bent and gently lifted Deanna from her mother's embrace. He cradled her against his chest and moved towards the biobed. He was shocked at how tiny and fragile she seemed. She hardly weighed anything at all!!

(Picard and the others filed from the room leaving Will and Deanna alone.)

Deanna had hardly stirred when he had picked her up, except to cuddle closer to him. Will had gasped when she had moved her arm to encircle his neck, burying her face there. She sighed softly and went completely limp and relaxed in his arms. Will laid her gently on the bed, loath to let her go. Deanna lay relaxed, curled on her side, sound asleep. He covered her with a blanket and a fluffy floral quilt that he had retrieved from her quarters. He had also brought some night clothes and her favorite robe, thinking that she might feel safe having familiar things around her. He bent close and brushed the hair from her forehead, which was hot to his touch , and kissed her there.

"Sleep, my Imzadi, sleep." He murmured as he turned to leave the room.

Mr. Worf stood at attention just outside the door to Deanna's room.

"Worf, aren't you off duty?" Riker asked the Klingon.

"Yes sir, however, I believe that as Chief Security Officer, it is my duty to insure the safety of Counselor Troi as she recovers. No unauthorized personnel will be allowed entry, sir." Worf ground out the words as if explanation was unnecessary. Riker nodded and proceeded past him. As he passed Worf he heard him say softly,

"Deanna is my friend as well, and I feel she has suffered enough, and deserves all the rest and privacy we can supply."

"Thank-you, Mr. Worf." Will said as he proceeded to Crusher'office.

Chapter 9

The room was silent as Picard, Beverly and Will digested what Lwaxana and Dr. Paxa had told them.....a 5 year old???? They were saying that Deanna now had the mind of a child!!! how could that be??? Jaksa alone had not been surprised at what Mrs. Troi had told them. Picard recovered first and sat straight in his chair,

"Will she recover?" he asked, his manner direct as usual.

"I believe so," Paxa explained. "You see, Deanna has withdrawn to a place where she felt safe, Captain. She was unable to continue to protect herself psychically, from the torture she was undergoing."

"So, in order to prevent her captors from driving her insane...she became a child. I suspect that this is the reason she was beaten so brutally. They could no longer retrieve information from the mind of the 5 yr. old Deanna." Paxa sounded so sure of himself, that Picard felt somewhat better, that is until he looked over at Lwaxana. He had never seen her look so defeated, so unsure of herself...her hair and clothing were disheveled, and she looked every one of her years. Tears rolled slowly down her still beautiful face. He thought to himself, "It's like looking at Deanna in 40 years or so..."

"How can we help her," Will asked. "What can we do?"

Paxa and Lwaxana both agreed that they should just go along with the idea that Deanna was 5, and let her determine the course of events that would follow. They should try to maintain as normal a routine as possible with her and allow her to return to herself gradually. Paxa added,

"It is most important that no one attempt to force her to recall what happened to her, since the Romulans are well known galaxy-wide as experts on subliminal torture." "She may have extremely unpleasant memories awaiting her. Her friend Jaksa, here should be allowed to continue to assist in her daily care and routne, he has been very important to her. However, we will need to allow HER to determine the course of events in her life, now."

"Can she be treated aboard the Enterprise?" Beverly wanted to know, "Physically she isn't anywhere near ready to go anywhere. The origin of the bacterial infection is still unknown and the fever is recurrent."

"She should be returned to Betazed, for intense psychological treatment, even should she be able to regain herself soon. She will have much to accept and deal with later on, and will need the expertise of Betazed physicians to regain her health." "Perhaps, you will be successful in your search for the cure for this infection as we travel home."

"I hope so," Beverly responded.

"Picard to Data."

"Yes Captain." Data responded from the bridge.

"Lay in a course for Betazed, warp 7, contact Starfleet and inform them of the counselor's condition, Picard out."

Data, who had been monitoring the conference in Dr. Crusher's office, responded immediately.

"Acknowledged"

Chapter 10

Several days later, Geordi, Data, and Barclay sat talking at a table near the viewport. The subject of course, was Troi.

"I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate for me to visit her," Reg was saying, "after all, what could I possibly do or say that would be of help?" "Anyway, I finally screwed up my nerve and went to sickbay. That Andorian friend of hers was there, he was very gracious, but suspicious of me. He stayed in the room the whole time.

"What happened, Reg?" Geordi asked. He had been feeling the same way about visiting the counselor himself.

"Reg! what happened?" Geordi interrupted.

"Geordi," Data queried, "I do not understand you anxiety..." "The counselor is your friend, your visit would be a welcome distraction for her." "Why do you not simply go to her quarters?"

"Data, it isn't as simple as that..." Geordi began, attempting to explain.

"No, Commander, it really is..." Reg said. "I brought a chocolate bar and a picture book with me." "Mrs. Troi was there as well, and even knew my name."

Not difficult for so skilled a telepath, Lieutenant." Data stated.

"Oh, of course," Reg realized aloud. "No, no, my visit with the counselor went very well. "Mrs. Troi told ...Jaksa? To wait outside and then brought me over to the counselor. She looked so beautiful, pale and tired, but still beautiful. She was sitting up in bed, watching a child's holoplay. She looked up at me and smiled. She had no idea who I was, but she was friendly. I gave her the chocolate, and the book. She wanted me to read the book aloud to her. So I did." Barclay still couldn't believe what a pleasant visit it had been. He had stayed for an hour, and had ended up watching the remainder of the holoplay, and laughed almost as much as Deanna.

"You should go Commander, she'll enjoy it, and so will you."

Data had been observing this exchange with intense interest. He had seen the counselor several times in the last few days, and he had found her to be quite refreshing. She had been quite taken with the fact that he was an android, and had looked long and hard for his on/off switch.

"Yes, Geordi, you should go, perhaps bring a gift, as Mr. Barclay did. The counselor is at a developmental age that favors receiving gifts." Data said agreeing with Reg.

"All right, then I'll do it." "I'll bring something...." he snapped his fingers, "I've got it!" "See you guys later." He said as he hurried off.

"It appears that Commander LaForge has made up his mind." Data stated simply.

"Yes it does." Reg agreed.

Deanna sat on a chaise in the living room of her quarters. Dr. Crusher had decided that it was okay for her to leave sickbay. It was the first time she had been allowed out of bed, for days. The first time since returning to "her" quarters. She looked around the room, thinking how pretty it was...and it was hers?? She didn't remember any of it. That made her feel scared inside...made her feel like she wanted to cry. "No, she thought, no I won't cry!" She looked up and smiled at Jaksa, her tall blue friend. She was glad that he had come with her. They had fun together.

~~~~ "Mama?" she thought.

~~~~ "Yes, Little One?" Lwaxana returned.

~~~~ "Mama, why are we on this ship?"

"Why aren't we home on Betazed?" "Is Daddy on this ship, too?"

~~~~ "No, Little One, Daddy isn't with us this time."

~~~~ "But why, Mama?"

Just then the door chimes sounded....Chimes>>

"Come in," Lwaxana called out.

The doors parted to reveal Geordi Laforge, with a gaily wrapped gift box in his arms.

"Good evening, Mrs. Troi, Mr. Madwste, how are you this evening?" Geordi began pleasantly.

"Mr. LaForge, how nice of you to visit us. I'm fine, thank you, won't you come in?" Lwaxana smiled at him, and backed away to reveal Deanna reclining on the chaise. Jaksa stood up and extended his hand,

"I am pleased to meet yet another friend of Deanna's." Geordi looked up at Jaksa and liked what he saw, he seemed friendly and kind.

"I'm pleased to meet you as well, sir, I hear that you took very good care of the counselor before she got home. We all appreciate that, she's very important to us."

He turned then to see Deanna watching them curiously.

"Hello, couns....hi there Deanna!" Geordi stuttered, suddenly very nervous. Deanna smiled hesitantly and looked to her mother and Jaksa for reassurance.

"Little One, look who has come to visit you! It's Geordi Laforge, and he has a gift for you!" Lwaxana spoke directly to Deanna.

Deanna smiled hesitantly at Geordi, clearly searching her mind for a clue as to who he was.

~~~~ "Mama, who is it? Do I know this man?? "Why is he so nervous, I can feel his nervousness."

"Is he afraid of me?" Deanna was curious about this man.

~~~~ "No Deanna, he hasn't seen you for awhile, that's all." Lwaxana spoke aloud.

"Look he has a gift too!"

Geordi walked over to Deanna, and knelt beside her chair. He smiled, a wide open, friendly smile. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Here you are Deanna, this is a get well gift for you. My sister had one and she loved it, I hope you like it too." He gave her the gaily wrapped box. Her whole face lit up with a smile as she took the box and shook it. She frowned, and looked at LaForge, who chuckled,

"My sister does that too, with every gift she's given!"

When the box didn't make any noise, Deanna immediately tore the wrappings off and opened the box. She reached into the box, and drew out a large, fluffy, white rabbit.

"OOOOhhhhhhh", Deanna said, aloud. The first word she had said aloud since her rescue.She hugged the toy to her breast, and looked down at Geordi. She smiled at him then, a full radiant smile of pure joy. LaForge caught his breath, she looked so damned beautiful!

Without realizing it, overcome with childish joy, Deanna had spoken.

Lwaxana just stood there with a tear falling slowly down her cheek, Jaksa took her hand and squeezed it gently. Geordi looked back at her, they smiled at one another, and then he turned back to Deanna who was happily playing with her new friend. She was hugging it amd murmuring to it. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes sparkled, she appeared to be totally oblivious of the three people observing her.

"It seems Mrs. Troi, that Mr. LaForge has been able to do what no one else has...broken through a barrier, perhaps now Deanna's recovery will be accomplished a little more quickly?" Jaksa commented.

"I can't believe that she actually spoke! I have talked with her telepathically since she regained consciousness, but nothing verbal. She simply would NOT speak." Lwaxana said softly.

They stood and watched for a few minutes, then allowed Geordi to visit with Deanna privately. He was sitting on the floor beside her chair, and seemed to be having no trouble communicatnng with her, even though she never said another word. He seemed to be very intuitive where children were concerned, and for all intents and purposes....Deanna was a child.

Chapter 11

The Enterprise continued on it's course to Betazed, with the hope that Deanna was at last truly on her way to a full recovery. She saw Dr. Paxa regularly for intense therapy sessions, and had begun to leave her quarters, usually with Will Riker or Jaksa as her escort. Will had been spending nearly all of his off duty hours with Deanna, Jaksa had begun to realize that he was no longer needed. Troi had a very loving "family" to care for her now. He could feel comfortable leaving her soon....

Riker and Deanna took walks, played games, took trips on the holodeck, and shared meals together. The white rabbit that Gerodi had given her never left her sight. Deanna was happy and getting stronger every day, but she hadn't spoken another word. Will had been thoroughly enjoying his time with Deanna, he loved her, he knew that now, and he felt that she loved him. True right now it was a child's love, but he hoped that once she was well again they could explore their relationship and be together once more. He could, and would wait for as long as it took. For now, he was content.He hoped that she was better today...she'd been in bed for nearly three days with a high fever and had only been on her feet for a day since then.

Today was Thursday, he and Deanna usually spent the hour before her session with Paxa, with the babies in the ship's nursery. Right now there was a set of identical twin boys that Deanna loved to cuddle and play with. He was whistling as he headed for Troi's quarters, looking forward to seeing her. He rang the chimes and the doors parted to reveal Deanna, sitting on the couch waiting for him. She was wearing a deep red sweater with a thick foldover collar. It left her shoulders bare and clung softly to her curves. With it she wore matching red stretch pants and red boots. Her hair was down and brushed into loose curls and waves. It framed her face and tumbled over her back and shoulders. She looked lovely...although still a little thin, which enhanced her delicate and fragile beauty. She had her white rabbit on her lap, ready to go. She smiled up at him as he entered. The smile took his breath away, he wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss those smiling red lips. God, she was beautiful! He had to struggle to control the impulse.

"Hi, there Deanna! You all set to go and see the twins?" he asked brightly.

Deanna smiled, nodded her head and stood up. She went over to her mother and kissed her cheek and did the same to Jaksa. She then came over to Will and took his hand. The rabbit was clutched in her free hand. He said goodbye to Jaksa and Lwaxana and they left. Several people stopped them in the corridor on the way to the nursery. Deanna seemed a little nervous, usually moving closer to him, and looking up at him for reassurance; But she smiled at every one she met. They reached the nursery, and Deanna thrust the white rabbit into Will's hands and hurried to sit on the floor with the two 1 year old toddlers. They immediately moved into Troi's lap and began jabbering at her and tangling their chubby hands in her hair. She laughed softly and gently removed their tiny fingers. The three played for a short while, until the nurse came to take the babies for a snack, before their nap. Deanna followed her carrying one of the twins. The baby cuddled close to Troi and sighed contentedly. Deanna sat at the table with the baby on her lap. He eagerly took the bottle that the nurse held out, and began sucking on it immediately. He looked up at Deanna and smiled a milky smile around the nipple in his mouth. She laughed softly and kissed the baby's nose. Crusher came in and sighed as she observed her patient. She turned to comment to Will, but he interrupted.

Beverly if I tell you something...can you keep it a secret?"

"Of course, Commander...what is it?" Crusher asked, intrigued.

Riker hesitated, looking around to be sure no one else overheard. "I have dreams of having a family one day, but..."

"But what?" Beverly asked him.

"Well whenever my dream wife has a child...no matter what SHE looks like, the babies always have Deanna's face!"

"Oh Will, do you really love her that much?" Crusher asked bluntly.

Riker just smiled at her and looked over at the table, where Troi sat cuddling the sleeping infant, humming softly in his ear.

"She's really taken with them isn"t she?"

Crusher commented.

"Yes, she is, " Riker agreed.

"It's the only time that she allows him( he held the rabbit up for her to see) out of her arms or sight." He smiled at the scene befor him. "Beverly, she's so beautiul, so happy this way...do you think she'll ever recover herself, honestly?" Crusher patted his arm and said gently,

"We have to believe that once Deanna feels safe again, she'll slowly become able to face reality again, until that time...all we can do is hope and pray."

Will knew that she was right, but it was so damned frustrating. To have her home, but not really having her at all! He looked at the chrono...it was time for her session with Paxa. He hated this part.

"Deanna, it's time to go." He said softly. Troi looked up at him smiling, her face flushed from playing with the boys. She looked quizzically at him.

"It's time for your session with Dr. Paxa." He repeated, "We have to go now." Deanna's smile faded, and some of the color left her cheeks. She looked at Will from her place at the table. The fear and anxiety begin to build... She didn't want to go there, it made her feel all sick inside, like she felt when she woke up in the night. Maybe he wouldn't make her go this time...she shook her head form side to side. Riker knew what was coming...

"Now Deanna, don't do this...you need to see him, he'll help you get well." She shook her head again, this time tears welled up in those huge black eyes. It killed him to see her like that; so fragile, trembling,her fear blatantly obvious. Will almost sat down again..but he sighed instead and walked over to her, extending his hand. The nurse came over and took the sleeping child gently from Deanna's arms; she smiled at them both and left the room.

"Come on baby, we have to go." He murmured.

Deanna's eyes overflowed, but she took his hand and stood up. She took the rabbit and hugged it tightly to her chest. Her head was bowed and she wouldn't meet his or Crusher's eyes. She didn't even say goodbye to Dr. Crusher, but sobbed quietly as she left the nursery. She was clutching Will's hand with her right hand and her white rabbit with her left. She cried softly all the way to the cabin Paxa was using as an office while on board, Will rang the chimes.

Deanna tried to pull free, but he held on to her hand and tried to calm her. The doors parted to reveal Paxa's smiling face.

"Hello Commander, hello Deanna, right on time, I see." He looked at Riker with an understanding smile,

"Thank you Commander, we'll be fine now."

Deanna would have no part of Will's leaving...she turned into his body and huddled there clutching his uniform with both hands, her rabbit forgotten in her panic. She wailed loudly, refusing to be left alone. Will tried to pry Deanna's hands from his shirtfront, but she was very strong in her fear.

"NNNooo, please...." she whispered frantically. "Nnoooo!!"

Riker and Paxa exchanged surprised glances, this scene had been repeated several times in the past few weeks, but she'd never spoken! Will enfolded her in his arms then and kissed the top of her head. He whispered words of comfort into her hair as he held her shivering form. After a few minutes, Deanna quieted a bit, Riker tipped her face up with a fingertip. He caught his breath at the anguish he saw there.

He cleared his throat,

"Deanna you need to stay with Dr. Paxa, you know that don't you?" he asked gently. Fresh tears welled up and overflowed as Deanna slowly nodded. She reluctantly allowed him to remove her hands from his shirtfront. Will guided her gently inside and gave her a glass of water. She sipped it, and handed it back. He gave her the rabbit, and knelt before her.

"I'll be back in one hour and we'll go for our sundae in Ten forward, okay?" he promised her. Her breath hiccupped and she nodded, holding out her arm. She wore an antique timepiece that her father had given her as a child. It had and alarm feature on it...they had developed the habit of having him set it to ring after an hour.

"Ooops, nearly forgot!" Riker smiled as he set the watch.. "There, I'll be back in an hour." He stood up and kissed the top of her head, heading for the door. At the door he looked back to see her sitting there clutching her toy, tears streaming down her cheeks. The sight stayed with him all the way to the bridge.

In Paxa's office....

Paxa sat in a comfortable chair directly across from Deanna. He waited for her to calm herself, and handed her a tissue. Once she had composed herself, he began the session. He placed a lighted candle on the table between them, and began the breathing exercises that initiated the link between their minds. Unconsciously, Deanna had begun breathing in sync with him, allowing the link to form easily. She seemed totally relaxed, and open to him. Paxa began to question her.

~~~~Hello, Deanna.

~~~~Hello, Dr.Paxa, she answered.

~~~~How are you feeling? He asked.

~~~~Fine. Troi answered.

Paxa tried to probe her memories, but found his way blocked by strong disciplined shields. These were not the mental barriers of a child, but the barriers of a strong and skilled empath. He would not be able to access these areas without Troi's consent and cooperation. Paxa smiled in satisfaction. So..she was still here with them. The adult Troi was deeply hidden behind those walls, but she was here. Paxa was encouraged by this discovery and began to probe more forcefully.

~~~~What have you recalled, Deanna...have you remembered what frightened you so...is the memory forcing it's way to the surface? Is that why you didn't want to come here? Paxa pushed her a little harder. The shields appeared to tremble a little, but returned stronger than ever.

The little girl in Troi's mind had terror written all over her face.

~~~~I can't tell, musn't ever tell, She'll know...She'll come...Please don't make me tell, I don't remember.

~~~~Paxa didn't let up this time sensing a breakthrough was at hand...You're safe here, no one can harm you again. You must remember, Deanna, you want to get well don't you?

~~~~I...I...I'm frightened, too hard, scary.

~~~~Yes I know it is, but I'm here with you. Hold my hands and I'll protect you from anything that frightens you alright?"

~~~~Alright, but are you sure, nothing will hurt me? You won't let them get me?

~~~~Absolutely not, you'll be with me...he was drawing her deeper into the link, he could almost reach the memories that she'd hidden from the adult Troi. She was doing her very best to protect her adult psyche from further trauma.

~~~~Deanna let the barriers fall, share your memories with me, I won't let you be hurt, I only want to help you...

Troi felt very anxious, she wasn't sure if she should allow the doctor access to her memories. Buy he seemed so sure it was the right thing to do. She finally began to lower her mental barriers. Her adult mind was completely closed to him. Paxa could only share what Deanna allowed him to share. He coaxed Troi into telling her story.

~~~~Where are you Deanna.

~~~~In the clinic.

~~~~What is it used for?

~~~~It is to ensure cooperation.

~~~~ What happened here?

Deanna began to cry....she was reliving the memories as they unfolded.

~~~~I couldn't give Toreth what she wanted, access codes to the ship's main computer. She was so angry that she beat me viciously with her hands and feet.

~~~~I couldn't defend myself, I was too weak and frightened. She was in a rage after the initial assault, but kept trying to get the answers.

~~~~I didn't know the answers, and said so...but that was a mistake...I'm not allowed to speak. Toreth went mad and whipped me. Deanna was sobbing now...

~~~~The pain was so intense I vomited on her boots. She kicked me then breaking my fngers. I'd lost the nails trying to free myself from her dragging me by the hair to the clinic.

~~~~After the whipping, my clothing was in shreds. Toreth told the guards to take me outside to solitary. They lifted me and ran their hands over my breasts making rude comments.

~~~~I...I..I didn't know what to do. It was dark and cold and rainy outside, I tried so hard to get away but it hurt to move...They threw me into the solitary pit.

~~~~It was dark, and raining. The pit was at least 7 feet deep, with about six inches of cold water in the bottom. I broke my ankle when they dropped me into the pit. The pain....my clothes were in shreds...it was cold....so cold....They stood above my and ....and....no! I cannot!! It was dark, there were animals in the water ....Troi's breathing accelerated sharply, as she remembered the details of being in the pit. She began to hyperventilate, sweat poured from her brow, she sat up quickly vomiting helplessly on the carpet at Paxa's feet. Paxa leapt to his feet, running to the restroom at the rear of his office. he returned with towels and a washcloth...Deanna was sobbing softly, apologizing in a hoarse whisper.

~~~Oh...no...I've made a mess, she'll come. She'll punish me again..I couldn't help it...so afraid...help me!"

Paxa was finding it hard to hold back the wave of terror that she was sending out over the link. He slowly brought her out of the meditative trance they'd shared. He closed her mind to the memories for now...she'd need time to recover from this session before he could give her memories back to her. Paxa cleaned the carpet and wiped Deanna's face. He brought her to full consciousness, and waited for her to come to.

Deanna slowly opened her eyes...she was still in Dr. Paxa's office, when would he begin? The alarm on Troi's watch went off. She looked startled, as though surprised that so much time had passed. She looked down at the stain on the rug at her feet...tasted the bile in her mouth. Her head snapped up as she looked at Paxa. He sensed her confusion, bordering on panic. He sent her a comforting thought telepathically, then said aloud, Deanna it's all right, you got a little sick with the fear is all. But, you've had a very productive session...I just don't feel that you're really ready accept the memories as yet. Do you trust me? Troi nodded slowly...

"Yes" she whispered. Then she looked to her left and right sharply, as if to see if anyone had heard.

As if a light had gone on...Paxa realized why Deanna hadn't spoken since her return.

"Deanna, I think that I understand now..." he said gently. Paxa moved over to the couch beside Troi.

"Were you punished for speaking aloud....?"

he said softly, sending caring and compassion to her as he spoke.

Deanna's eyes grew huge in her face, the color leaving her cheeks. She shook her head hesitantly from side to side...as the panic began to build. "How had he guessed? She hadn't told him...they would punish her..."

She had to leave...At that particular moment, the door chimes sounded.

"Come in," Paxa called out.

The doors parted to reveal a smiling Will Riker framed in the opening.

"Hi there Deanna, all through?" he asked brightly. He immediately sensed the tension in the room, and went to her side. "Are you ok?" He asked. Troi nodded and took his hand. She bent and retrieved the white rabbit from the floor. Riker noted that her hand was like ice, she was trembling.

"One moment...Deanna, Dr. Paxa is everything all right? Is Deanna ok?" Will felt that soomething had happened to make Deanna so upset, and he intended to find out what it was...Deanna pulled on his hand, clearly in a hurry to leave.

"I believe that the reason Deanna isn't speaking , is that she was punished for speaking aloud during her captivity." Paxa began to explain. Deanna pulled Will closer to the door, she was getting angry.

"She says no, but I believe it to be the truth. Normally, I would not divulge this type of information...but she needs to know that she is safe from harm, here. Deanna must be made to see that she is home and can walk, talk, laugh, love...do whatever she wishes." Paxa finished pointedly. He knew of Will's feelings for Deanna, and that made him the perfect person to help her with this particular problem. Deanna had had enough, she jerked her hand from Will's and started off down the corridor.

Will Riker was flabbergasted. It had never occurred to him that Deanna had been prevented from speaking... He had thought...nevermind...

"Deanna wait!" he called out, running to catch up with her. She was striding down the corridor, towards the turbolift. "Wait!" he called again.

Troi stopped suddenly in the middle of the corridor and turned towards him. Her face was pale in the light of the corridor. She was visibly trembling with emotion, and the emotion was anger, pure unaldulterated rage!

Chapter 12

"WHY!" her voice shrilled loudly in his head. "WHY should I wait for you or for anybody! I wanted to leave. I don't like it there. It scares me!!! HE scares me!!! He scared me so bad that I got sick!" Deanna had her hands fisted by her sides, tears streaming down her face. "He makes me see things ! I don't want to see things! They HURT me! None of you really cares how I FEEL! Not you, and not Mother. You make all of my choices for me. What I eat, where I go, who I see. EVERYTHING!!!"

This all came through the telepathic link that she had involuntarily formed with him. It was as it had been years ago, on Betazed. She hadn't said a single word, but he had heard her loud and clear. Deanna stopped as suddenly as she had begun...staring at him speechless. How had she done that? He looked so shocked...she knew that he'd heard her. How had he heard her...only her closest family and friends were able to sense her thoughts...but he....

Will caught up with her and took both of her hands in his. He needed to reassure her here and now, before she misunderstood his motives.

"Let's go to Ten Forward and get our sundaes, then I'll explain some of this to you. All right?" he asked.

~~~~"No," again in his head. "No, I want to go outside..somewhere outside...I can't breathe." He heard her answer in his mind.

"All right, I know a place..." Riker said. He took her hand and they went together to Holodeck 4...three decks above them. Will chose the program as they stood in front of the door.

"Computer...load program Riker 34Beta"

"Working>>>>

Program complete, enter when ready>>>>

The huge doors slid aside and, they entered the holodeck together, into a meadow, complete with a brook tumbling alongside grassy bankings. Shade from dozens of trees, and flowers were in abundance. Deanna took a huge breath of the sweet scented air and ran into the scene before her.

~~~~"I know this place!!" She cried in his head. "It's back home, on Betazed...how did you know...have you ever been.....there." She stopped short then looking at him...scanning him. "Commander, how did you know to do this place?" her voice was concerned as it filled his head. Will knew he couldn't lie...she would know immediately..so he took a chance, and told her.

"Deanna, you and I have been friends for a very long time...and yes, I spent nearly a year on Betazed about ten years ago." He finished.

~~~~"Oh, then you know ....her" she said softly in his mind.

"Yes, yes I do." He whispered.

~~~~"I wish that I could remember, but I don't...SHE does you know." she said sadly.

"What do you mean, SHE, don't you mean YOU?" Troi shook her head, her eyes looked old...tired. Will began to feel the panic that held her in it's grip. the revulsion, the shame, all of which she was keeping locked down tight inside. Then he watched as she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. When she reopened them, the fear and anger were gone, replaced by a look of determination.

~~~~"No...not me. HER, the other. She is very frightened, and hides herself. I can't let her come out...she is too weak. I am strong, I can be strong for both of us. I have to keep her safe from the pain." Will didn't know how to respond, so he continued their previous discussion,

"Deanna, you said that we didn't really care about how YOU feel. You know that isn't true...don't you?" Her answer was very important to him. She walked back to where he stood and took his hand. Without speaking further she led him to a large tree beside the stream and sat down. He joined her there and she moved close to him and laid her head on his shoulder.

~~~~"I don't want to talk anymore, Will. I don't feel good, and I'm very tired. Can I take a nap?" Will smiled at her, and nodded....

"Sure you can, I'll be right here." He circled her shoulders with his arm, and they sat in silence for several minutes. He turned to say something, to find her fast asleep. Very gently Will lowered her to his lap, and stroked the tumbled black curls as he watched her sleep. As he studied her features, relaxed now, in sleep, he realized that he couldn't ever let her go. When or even if she recovered, he couldn't go back to their previous relationship, as friends. They would be so much more, even if she never fully recovered, he loved her that deeply. He sighed and closed his eyes. He awoke to her shaking him...

~~~~"Hey wake up, sleepyhead!" Deanna giggled in his mind... "I'm starving and you promised me a chocolate sundae! Let's go!" Riker yawned hugely and stretched, he stood up as Deanna pulled his arm.

"Ok! Ok! I'm coming, I'm coming! I guess you're feeling better?" Will Riker laughed at her antics, as she bounced on the balls of her feet. She was like a child in so many ways. Her hair had escaped the band that had held it back...and tumbled wildly around her face. Her sweater had slipped further from her shoulder exposing the creamy swell of one breast. Blades of grass were caught in the soft knit of the sweater.

~~~~"Yes! I'm all better!"

"I'm glad that you're better, but we have to get you cleaned up a bit. Your mother would have a fit if she saw you in public like this."

~~~~"What? Oh..." Deanna looked down at herself and sighed....

"Mother will be angry, I can't get dirty. What am I going to do?" Her child like eyes filled.

"Hey! We can fix this, don't cry." Will smiled at her, "Computer, one hairbrush, and a clothing brush."

In a blue shimmer the items appeared at their feet. Will picked them up and handed Deanna the hairbrush.

"Hold this for a moment, ok?" She nodded. Will took the clothing brush and began to brush the grass from Deanna's sweater, first readjusting her sweater to cover her breast once more. As his hand brushed the skin of her breast, she gasped and stiffened, raising her hand to cover his. Will looked into her face....her eyes were wide, and in them was recognition....

"Dee?" Will held his breath as Deanna stepped closer, her other hand reaching up to brush the hair off of his forehead...

"Will?" She whispered.

"I'm here imzadi, I'm here!" Will's heart pounded wildly in his chest, hoping that she had found herself at last. Then like a light extinguishing, Deanna's hand dropped and her eyes glazed. She blinked, and shook her head as she looked up into his eyes.

~~~~"Will, we have to fix my hair...it's all tangled up!!"

Will's heart ached as he realized that the moment had passed, Deanna had returned once more to her childlike state.

"Ok, love. Let me brush your hair, and then we'll get our sundaes, ok?"

~~~~"OK ! Can I have a double chocolate fudge sundae, with chocolate chips and chocolate whipped cream?" Deanna fairly vibrated with excitement as she turned her back to allow Will to brush the tangles from her long black hair. Will's eyes filled as he held back tears.

"Sweetheart, you can have anything you want, as long as you stand still so that I can do this right!"

~~~~"That's easy...I can do that!" Deanna clasped her hands before her and stood trembling with anticipation. Behind her the first officer, and man who loved her ached with sadness for the woman who was so close, yet still so far away.

They left the holodeck and headed for Ten Forward, Guinan greeted them as they entered the large room. Deanna's eyes grew huge and round as she took in the star filled viewports and the large number of people there. She moved in towards Riker's side, and he put his arm around her shoulder.

"It's ok, Deanna, they're all your friends, Guinan is the best...!" he reassured.

"Hello, Deanna, I'll bet I can guess just exactly what YOU are here for!" Guinan spoke softly and soothingly to Troi. Her intuition told her volumes about the fragile looking woman before her. She sensed something. A feeling of confusion, turmoil. Almost an awakening in Deanna's subconsciousness. Then as suddenly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced by a childlike shyness, as Deanna dropped her eyes to study the carpet.

"I'll bet the commander here," she cocked her thumb in his direction, "Brought you here for a chocolate sundae, complete with whipped cream and chocolate chips." Guinan chuckled. Deanna's eyes were surprised, and she smiled, nodding eagerly. Will joined Guinan's laughter and escorted Deanna to a table by the main viewport. Guinan brought their sundaes a few minutes later and they dug in immediately. She exchanged a knowing look with Troi, smiled enigmatically and walked away, her hands folded into the sleeves of her robe. Will sat back and watched Deanna for a moment..she looked happy and relaxed now. He smiled and returned to his own sundae.

He looked up in time to see Deanna, who was enjoying her chocolate sundae, sitting across from him with fudge on the end of her nose.

"Ah, Imzadi, putting your whole self into eating that sundae are you?" he chuckled.

"Come here for a moment!" He reached out to wipe the fudge off, and their eyes met and held. She closed her eyes slowly and shook her head, as if to clear it. Then she opened them again. He felt an electricity, a connection. Will held his breath and her hand as he saw a flicker of something, of recognition...in her eyes.

"Will....?" she said. "How did I ...?" Deanna looked confused, then frightened. "What....where...."

Will slowly moved to Deanna's side. He put his hand on her shoulder, where he could feel her trembling.

"Take it easy Deanna," he murmured.

"Take a deep breath."

"Can you hear my voice?" Will didn't want to lose this connection, however fragile, to the adult Troi.

"Yes, I hear you....I'm frightened, Imzadi, I'll die here, please come for me, I need you!"

It was then that Will realized that Deanna was in the grip of an hallucination. She thought that she was still with her captors and was reaching out to him, in her mind. He tried then to reach her as she had taught him so many years ago.

He cleared his mind and exhaled....

~~~~ "Imzadi, can you hear me?"

~~~~ "Yes, I hear you, help me, please, I don't want to die here, please help me....Imzadi please, if you ever loved me hear me now!!!!" The anguish in her voice was clear to Will as he heard her beloved voice in his mind.

~~~~ "I'm here, Deanna, really here, look at me sweetheart, look at me!"

~~~~ "How can you be here? Fear was beginning to build in her voice. "They're coming, I can hear them, they're coming! NO, no more, don't let them touch me, my mind again! I cannot bear it, I'm losing myself. Imzadi, I'm dying, please wherever you are know this, "I love you, with all my heart and soul, I always have and always will. I wanted to get back to tell you, to hold you in my arms once more." she was crying now, "Tell my mother that I love her, please........."They're at the door, Toreth!" NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

She put both hands up and clasped the sides of her head. Her face was ghostly white her eyes black and huge in her pale face. She looked left then right, in a panic.

"Deanna! Deanna!" Will tried to reach her, several people in ten forward were coming to the table.

"No, stay back!" he ordered, "Give her some room, she'll be fine."

"Deanna, listen to me...." Will began.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." This time Deanna screamed aloud. She stood abruptly and dropped her spoon onto the table. Deanna didn't respond, she just stood there staring, she was lost within her own mind, memories were flooding her brain, her face changing expressions too quickly to identify the emotion behind them. Tears began to fall. She looked up at Will, there was no recognition in her eyes. Deanna was slowly drowning in fear, rage, panic...she must escape the fear...Troi turned then and ran from the room. Will ran after her.

"Deanna!! Wait!!" Will called.

Deanna ran ahead to the turbolift and disappeared inside. The last thing Riker saw was Deanna's terrified face as the doors closed.   
  



End file.
